Look at the way he with pride smiles up at you from your cellular telephone display screen when he dangles their Catch throughout the day between your foot off their freight trousers-clothed legs! You understand those people purse are just filled up with carabiners, hooks, and zip-connections! Think of the adorable Boy Lookout you decided to go to primary college with. Contemplate how they was so of use and you can know all of the different kinds of knots? Ok, today visualize all of them grown-up-and not wanting so you can Venmo you $250 to possess his 1 / 2 of new abortion. Today photo your rising on the sunrays, he calls “nature’s noisy alarms.” Truly, I don’t know which is even worse.
Nebraska: Brand new Armchair Quarterback
You have gone through three (3) coffee tables in 2010 because your boyfriend, an enthusiastic armchair quarterback of Nebraska, won’t stop smashing them during the fury when their party loses. The guy categorically won’t accept that the participants are unable to hear your of his family area and you will, this means that, his article-fumble “Come on. ” scream was noisy. All of the Monday, unfailingly, you might be either playing him name the advisor and you can pro good screwing moron, otherwise cold in the tailgate – never from the actual online game, even in the event. He will never ever over come one year and he is nearly a third-string go-into kicker with the Huskers, and since the guy discusses almost everything new really date, neither would you.
Nevada: The fresh Perma-Bachelor
Only if my personal match match me personally along with Bradley Cooper’s performed on Hangover, believes the latest Nevada Fuckboy, then my entire life will be done. There he happens, prowling from pub along with his top undone you to button as well many, slurring their terminology and you may sloshing his martini. If only it tasted competitive with they appear, he secret so you’re able to themselves. Never inquire your for taking regarding their sunglasses, since they’re covering up a set of crusted, bloodshot attention which were once innocent and you will laden with lifetime. They are today a taking walks people host, recurring so you can their friends: “You’re going to get married? Loss! Simple fact is that single lifestyle for me, brah!”, unsure he’s going to end up being doomed to grow a great paunch, help his pricey fit be stained and you can horrible, and start to become one of the Vegas video slot grandmothers, thumbing quarters towards the server and you may ingesting a-two-liter container from eating plan Coke, wishing to winnings the fresh prize regarding his shed childhood.
“Hello girl, did not We view you during the Tri-Kap dager the other day?” was an everyday starting gambit of This new Hampshire Fuckboy exactly who is actually Rich But Ashamed About any of it. An effective Dartmouth man through-and-through, he is a perfect vision out of button-downs, khaki trousers, and you can good blazer that can be worn at formals in addition to from the their father’s boat club. Inquire him outright in the event the he could be rich, he’s going to be quick to inform your their relatives never individual a great personal jet – it’s only a risk in a shared G6 between a number of my personal dad’s organization couples. And he has no a residence to your Nantucket, it’s simply a little summer house to the seashore around the Obamas’ lay. A great secret should you want to lay your into the put – inquire him to help you pronounce title out-of their very costly observe (Audemars Piguet) and watch him squirm.
The Mexico: The newest Connect
The latest Mexico, people say, is the belongings away from enchantment, a wasteland where their journey dreams will come genuine. It’s closer to a dusty horror where the dudes smell like grime and you may smegma. Your new North american country fuckboy, when the he is away from Albuquerque, could well be too desperate to guide you landmarks from Cracking Bad – you understand, one home you could potentially toss a pizza to, otherwise that crystal meth hotel – while the that’s all he’s. That, along with his “I’m the one who hits” shirt (stained), an extensive-brimmed hat (does not complement), and you can Heisenberg specs (indeed a small strict so that they enjoy during the and leave red-colored, welt-instance indents into Asiatisk kvinnelige personer his head). In the event the he could be off Santa Fe, anticipate a similar but with conversations throughout the Ayahuasca thus boring you can easily need to hurl on your own off the high cliffs in the Los Alamos.